*Recently i am very stubborn. very easily agitated. any how scold customer. any how scold people. any how give face. any how feel sianz. any how feel sad. any how feel angry. any how think. i am stressed now man. haiz. i really dunno why. i dun wan feel angry but sure got customer scold mi make mi sianz. sure got people accidently agitated mi. i can't control. i will jus scold. or do some action. i know it isn't right. but i jus dunno wat to do.
I realise that i have CHANGED in personality due to some problems faced around mi. i wanna go back to original. but i can't now. i dun wan to face those problem. i wanna run away. but i can't run away. i can't face it. thus, feeling angry, sad, worry, stressed, happy. mixed feeling.
if i ever makes u angry,or anything wrong. please. forgive mi.
i jus wan to be happy thats all.

Monday 22 Sep
~Stelatex Outing (Patrick, leif, yee chern, jess, susan, teck ling & si hui)
Todae wake up to work. was abit late ya. bought mee siam. nice though. started to work. everyday was doing the same thingy ya. todae i finish them all at 3 plus pm. i am fast ya. lor/ was doing a lame thingy and was injured by it. lor.
So at 5. went off. haha. i very zun one. chiong to clemeti. reach there. i am bored. so decides to sms alot of people. asking them how are they? wat they were doing? and wanna know everyone's life now. if u are the one recieving my sms, dun worry. it is that i long time never contact u le. jus wanna see how are u. not for any other reasons please. i realise i didn't contact alot. haha. so i self pick sms and not random one ok. haha. after chatting with them. feel that at least i know wat are they doing ya. haha. u guys could sms mi de when free. jus feel like meeting alot of them out ya. and wanna gets better with them ALL!!!!
ok. so they finally came and grab mi to holland v. we todae went to the hawker centre there eat. all bought food and share among one another. haha. i think one month meet them out once is very good lor. we sure got things to update. both from mi to them and from them to mi. they still wanna mi go back leh. hahaha. i really also feel like going back. they are jus so friendly. teckling said "when we are very very happy le, xuejia already leaves le". this sentence makes sense. and it is very true. as we are at the very happy stages le. i left.
ok. i am sad too. i wanna stay. i wanna go back. but, i am afriad that i can't. they need people next year as there are a very big project coming up. they wan mi to join back. i am sure i sure can go back without interview. but, i scare that my sister dun allow. haiz. cause wat i do there, no link to my course. and i have to learn form scratch. i dun mind learning. but, my sister will keep scolding. and she dun wan mi to go study even. cause i will waste my money study as in the future, i wun be working at my course-related. i said i will maybe much more further. but she disagree for that. even for this accountant. she isn't happy. athough is a part time job. i am actually abit enjoying. but to her, is a no. no. no. no. i think i dun wan to study le is because of her. stupid. if i go study. i will be tied down by her. will be controlled by her. will be listening to her. and i wun. i don't. she did say that i can go study. got those scheme that government maybe can pay part of it. but. if i study. i have to work my course-related. although i wan to. but i scare due to CERTAIN reasonSSSS i can't work. then she will fk mi. lor. ARH!!!!! i dunno and i really dunno should i study ma? haiz.

Sunday 21 Sep
~Surprise at Under-water World Celebration for mi
Ok. i can admit that i already knew it. from clues from hua. i think she dunno. i disturb them by calling them saying alot of rubbish. making them feel that i wun go tml. lor. i already know it but dunno why, i feel abit sad.
I am sorry as i know u guys planned this like long time ago. i was tricked really at first. but, i still know it after some time. maybe is that i hate the reason that u guys tricked mi. i really hate it. i dun wan to go although i know it. when meeting up haole. i wanna tricked him. i wanna tricked him that i am not happy. let him tell u guys so. but after some time, i feel really very unhappy. i dunno why. i see haole face is even blacker than i am. i keep scolding him. we keep fighting. ya. for stupid reason of course.
at that point of time, i dun wan to go and really i dun wan to. i told him that i dun wan to go. i still act calling hua. but she dunno la of course. maybe this is it. i dun like surprise. really dun. cause once i knew it. i will feel sianz. i so so so hoping that u guys could jus tell mi the truth. we are going to underwater world on sunday!!!! like that i will be much much much more happy than i really am. but...
so please// i dun like surprise. i think the main reason i hate it is because. i always wanted to have one in the past. my 20th birthday is the most happy birthday i wanna to be. i wanna feel the most happiest day that day. but. someone fails mi. and i am crying alone the whole night. waiting. wishing. wanting. but it all FAILED>>> fuck fuck fuck.
ok. so ya. could see him feel very sad that i said that. he is very disappointed. he say "they have been planning this for months and yet u are not appreciate it". i feel bad really. not that i dun appreciate. maybe is the hating reason causes it most. plus his blacker face. and those lies. i couldn't see it when happen on others. but after i feel this. i knew that i **** it.
if any of u will be seeing this post. i hope u dun get the wrong idea. jus that. i dun wan to lie. so decided to tell u guys how i feel ya. i am crying inside my heart. i dun wan to go to my damn targeting place with a sad feeling like this. i dun wan to ruin my days there. i dun wan. thus, i reject going. but, i hold. i try holding. once i walk in. saw u guys. i wanted to smile and be very happy. although i didn't. i am still thinking and thinking. wat reaction should i give u guys? damn it. i feel sooo bad.
in the end, decides to enjoy my trip there as it is really my long wish to come here. touch stingray. touch star fish. see my fav shark. understand quite a number of fishes. bought shark pen. hammer-head shark some toy. great white shark keychain. took a photo underwater world. took a photo with snake. Thanks you -hua, siew, le, yun, zhiwei and julian for organising this outing. photo i will post it soon.
went to eat at vivo de hawker. order alot of food and shares among all of them. i am damn full. after that, went work. oh ya. they gave mi a floating balloon. all of them laugh at mi at the hawker. lor. i didn't realise i actually took it to take bus. then i think, alot of people should be looking at mi ba. haha. after work. wanna go arcade de. but brother was sleeping lor. lor.

Saturday 20 Sep
~Happy Birthday Amy
Todae very early in the morning. my brother is back from taiwan!!!! yes!!! i am very happy ya. he brought my chivas and also the absolute mango. guess wat gift he bought for mi. lor. i love keychains but he didn't get mi one. lor. all his fren got. alamak dey. nvm. but he bought a very nice pencil for mi. yes. and i love pencil collection! then do a handphone thingy with my chinese character "jia". is nice though. plus a cool bracelet. haha. thats all. he brought quite a few biscult. but give them most away to people la. then we fall asleep. we intend to go arcade and finally arcade, our long missed and long time never play together de arcade "pump it up". but, once we wake up. it is like 3 plus. lor. off to work ya.
Alot of people ask why he didn't rest. ok. is my fault. i ask him come can? haha. cause wanna show him that got got got alot alot alot of people. lor. and infact it is. after that wanna go arcade de. but he meet to go yong house. then i follow la. haha. play mj with them. i also disturb haole and hua. see tml.

Friday 19 Sep (Amy's Surprise!!!)
Todae went to work at PS for my 3rd day. it seems that i like the 3rd day will run away type. but haha. no i am not lor. for this job, i reject mediacorp called interview. u know how i feel ma. lor. but anyway, is over. reach there. realise a better store of food. decides to buy from there de breakfast always. so doing the same thingy ya.
Todae not working at stingray, planning a surprise for ama. haha. work until 6pm then walk to woodland with some of the collegue. then went to CPPS wait for qiu. helping out at the store. was actually jus putting the things in the bag nia. haha. and finally qiu reached. we run around woodland like siao. walk fast fast. chionging our time man. bought those things already and both of us were both full-handed. lor. took cab. chiong down to ama's house. decorate the house with the balloons. actually dun need much decoration ya. and hide the pooh on the first time place that i hide. lor. wait for lang and pang chiong down to ama's house to give her surprise. we scare that lang and pang can't get on time. so ask zhiqi to hold her some time. when she reach her house. they both sit at the living room. lor. and saw that pooh outside. =.=" then when she open door. we sing the song and ask her cut cake la.
"Happy Birthday Amy". we wore a small message on one of the balloons each. there are total of 50 but 3 already bursted. plus 1 pooh balloon from us. 1 pooh ballooon from her sis. 1 from qiu. i finally bought the pooh cup for her after soooo long. we gave her a piroright camera. dunno how to spell. hehe. hope u enjoy the day ya. :)